‘Wish Upon’ Will Make You Wish You Saved Your Money

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A poorly written, poorly acted, poorly directed Final Destination knock-off that will have you rooting for the death of the protagonist
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What could be worse than yet another Final Destination movie? How about an even lazier Final Destination knockoff? Wish Upon is what happens when you want to make another Final Destination movie but get told “No” so you try to find a way to make it happen anyway.

Now to be fair, going in, you probably already knew this movie wasn’t going to be good. Trailers for this film looked like the boilerplate, half-thought out teen horror film that we’ve seen before. But it didn’t have to be. Wish Upon could have bucked the norms but instead it just doubles down on the problems teen horror films always seem to have. Characters that the audience has no connection to are killed but their deaths are supposed to have impact. The film breaks its own rules halfway through about who dies. But most egregious of all the problems, the lead character is not only stupid but completely unlikable. Joey King plays Clare Shannon who quickly goes from a character you have some sympathy for, to a character you absolutely despise for how selfish and stupid she is.

The plot goes like this, after her mother’s suicide (which comes back later in the most obvious “twist” ever put to film), Clare is raised by her father Jonathan (Ryan Phillippe). Her father gives her a “wish box” not knowing what it is. Clare’s first two wishes are accidents that she thinks are just coincidences along with the deaths of two “people” (people is in quotes for a reason) close her. But by the third wish, Clare knows the box is real. By the 4th or 5th wish, she learns what the price of a wish is (the death of someone close to her….kinda). But she keeps making wishes. Not only does she keep making wishes but…her wishes are stupid, even for a young teenage outcast girl. And that’s why this film is just so terrible. It uses stereotypical tropes about teens and how they interact with each other (as friends and in relationships) that is just eye rolling bad. At one point she wishes that her dad would be less embarrassing. Yes. That is the wish she makes that costs someone their life. To have a less embarrassing parent.

The film feels like it was written and directed by the same baby boomers who write articles about how millennials are destroying the very fabric of reality. You have to start wondering if they've ever spent any significant time with anyone under the age of 30. 

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